iTunes Shuffle Challenge  Shassie
by Blake Bailey
Summary: 10 songs, 10 Shassie one-shots. Maybe they'll become more than just drabbles in the future! And sorry, I cheated a little on some of them... but that just means all the more for you to enjoy! ;
1. Funny How Love Is

**1.** "**Funny How Love Is" – Queen**

Carlton Lassiter hates Shawn Spencer. He hates how much time Shawn spends styling his precious, over-coiffed hair. He hates how obsessed Shawn is with that stupid, sticky, too sour pineapple. He hates how Shawn refuses to dress his age. He hates how Shawn always comes into the station and distracts him from doing anything productive.

But, secretly, he loves Shawn Spencer. He loves running his fingers through Shawn's thick, luscious mane. He loves licking the sweet and sour pineapple juice off of Shawn's sticky fingers. He loves Shawn's tight, brightly colored polos and soft flannel shirts. He loves how Shawn flounces into the station on a near-daily basis and gives him an excuse to do nothing.

It's funny how love is, if you just look at it the right way.


	2. The Jack

**2.** "**The Jack" – AC/DC**

"I swear on the Virgin Mary that I will murder you in your sleep, Spencer. I'm Head Detective. No one would ever suspect me."

"Are you serious right now? Everyone thinks you hate me more than squirrels and Bill Clinton! If I got murdered, you'd be the number one suspect. I wouldn't even need to send any psychic signals to Chief Vick. You know, from beyond the grave."

"Do not get me started, Spencer. This is all your fault."

"What? How is this my fault?"

"How is this _not_ your fault?"

"Well… okay, it might be mostly my fault. But you don't have to be so judge-y about it. Keep this up, and you can replace J. Lo when she leaves 'American Idol'."

"I don't even know what a 'J. Lo' is, and I don't care. We're not dealing with passé Hispanic pop stars right now."

"So you _do _know who she is!"

"Spencer. I _will_ shoot you."

"I know. I'm sorry. But, for the record, she's more dance than pop nowadays."

"I just don't understand how this happened. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I said I'm sorry! I thought they were gone. I took a really hot shower, and then I got a wax, just to make sure."

"You told me that was so your… thing would look bigger, not because you had crabs!"

"Well, it was a multi-faceted decision. But, come on – you have to admit that it did look bigger."

Lassiter sighed. "Yes. It did." He paused. "But it's still not as big as mine."


	3. Goodnight, Travel Well

**3.** "**Goodnight, Travel Well" – The Killers**

Shawn was used to being late. He'd been late to his own birth, and he'd been consistently late ever since. He was fashionably tardy for every appointment he made, regardless of how important said appointment was. He never turned in his taxes on time, despite Gus' incessant prodding and prompting. From preschool to high school, not one of his assignments had been delivered by the due date. It was just who he was. Punctuality required effort, and Shawn hated words that started with "eff-" and ended with "-ort."

Despite all the lateness, Shawn wasn't used to being _too_ late. Over the years, not one doctor, dentist, masseur, or manicurist had refused to treat him, even when he showed up two and a half hours late to a Swedish massage. He'd never been fined, audited, or sued by the IRS. And once, in 11th grade, he'd turned in the most important essay of the year three months late… and got the highest grade in the class.

Now, though, he really was too late. The clock had run out. Shawn wished he'd run out with it.

He took a sip of his champagne. He hated champagne, almost as much as he hated weddings. He just didn't understand what there was to celebrate in two people deciding – stupidly – to spend the rest of their human lives together. Marriage only ended in heartbreak, especially for cops. Shawn's parents were living proof of that. Hadn't Lassie learned anything from his weekly fishing trips with Henry? Shawn guessed not. After all, Lassie looked so happy over there, dancing with his ex-ex-wife. Shawn downed the rest of his champagne in a single gulp. He'd never even gotten to say a proper goodbye to that stupid, too-lanky leprechaun with the too-big ears.

But maybe that was for the best. Shawn had never been good at goodbyes.

Lassiter happened to look in his direction, and Shawn suddenly realized he was staring. But then Lassiter started staring right back at him, and Shawn couldn't bring himself to look away. They stayed like that for a few moments until Shawn forced himself to smile and raise his empty champagne flute in a toast to Lassie's formerly broken, now fixed marriage. Lassiter hesitated and then returned the sad smile of his former lover, now friend.

There was nothing Shawn could say and nothing Shawn could do to change things now. It was too late.


	4. I Will Always Love You

**4.** "**I Will Always Love You" – Dolly Parton**

"Come on. Just try it."

"No."

"Come on, Lassie! It's fun! Do it for me."

"Absolutely not. Stop asking."

"Right, like it's ever been that simple to get me to shut up."

Lassiter had to admit Shawn had a point there. But, still. He could not – would not – let Shawn win. "There is no chance in hell I am going to do that, so you might as well just give up now. It'll be a lot less embarrassing to accept defeat sooner rather than later."

Shawn rearranged his features into a dramatic pout. "If you really loved me, you'd sing for me." He leaned forward until he was so close that his impressive nose was just barely touching the tip of Lassiter's. Lassiter could almost taste the cinnamon-flavored toothpaste riding on Shawn's hot breath. "I bet you're hiding a super sexy baritone under all that grumbliness."

Lassiter regarded Shawn for a few moments, an extremely intense, mysteriously unreadable expression settled on top of his face. For a second, Shawn was a little scared he was about to be headbutted or something. But then, very slowly, Lassiter stepped back and grabbed the loofah from out of Shawn's hands. He lifted it up to his mouth, cleared his throat, parted his lips, and very hesitantly began to sing.

"If I should stay... well, I would only be in your way... and so I'll go... and yet, I know... that I'll think of you each step of the way…"

He paused, obviously embarrassed. He glanced at Shawn, who looked as if Christmas had come early and Santa had brought him that new juicemaker he was always going on about.

"Keep going," he said, rather breathlessly. Either Shawn was mesmerized by Lassiter's deep, smooth voice or he was just impressed with how whipped he'd gotten Lassiter in such a short amount of time. Lassiter was assuming it was the latter. He'd never sung for anyone before.

He cleared his throat again. "And I-ee-I will always love you! I will always love you..."

He let his voice trail off and cleared his throat for the third time in three minutes. Shawn started to clap and whoop in an overly enthusiastic manner, but Lassie shut him up with a look. He threw the loofah to the floor of the shower and leaned down to rub his lips against Shawn's neck. Shawn inhaled sharply.

"That was very naughty of you to make me do that for you," Lassiter growled, biting Shawn's shoulder gently. "Now it's your turn to do something for me."

Shawn smiled smugly. "Gladly, Dollton Parliter. Anything."


End file.
